my 'lover' fling sees it? violet, he knows already. haha! you should see him biting his lips. MY GOSH! so dang dang adorable. but well, it's gone already. i dun have the feel for him anymore. sigh.

still, i'm PLASMA-addicted because of mummy. she's a uber-cool lady. and i'm beginning to love Beck's. join me soon, violet. =)

Yes baby, we're so handicapped not driving to school. dammit! i need a man to give me rides... you know wad i mean? Haha.
Wine Bar tonight, girlies. driving so not drinking. it's all your company that matters, i say.

Loretta just wanna greet "hello" to Zhi Hong. And... boy, your lips are seductive. what a turn-on! i'm seeing you soon... =)
haha.



addiction to debauchery @ Plasma.

2days passed and i've gotten over him more or less. this feeling is liberating. thanks to all my friends and my awesome family.

Sis is right. He, breaking up with me twice, reflects on how little he appreciates me and how little respect he has for my family by hurting me. so crying over him is just not worth. i better take my chances elsewhere.

anyway, i'm walking out of this relationship with my head held high. he should be ashamed of himself.

Alan and I had headed for Splitsville ytd morning. He said he has no more feelings. He wants to focus on his career and doesn't want a relationship to stand in his way. He and his excuses. enough is enough.

time and time again he has put me through emotional torture. Trying to read his mind, trying to please him in everything, be the perfect girlfriend he wants. (or am i trying too hard?) but now, he wants to end with an irresponsible sentence of "I have no feelings anymore, so no point carrying on". 3yrs of relationship. the heart, feelings and effort put in, and that's it? i give my soul up to even think about it at all. it's meaningless.

many asked me why dont i try to see what i can do to salvage this relationship. i wouldn't want to. it's gonna be a lop-sided affair. he wouldn't appreciate the things i have done for him. if he had, he wouldn't even talk about ending this relationship now. be it for someone else or for work that had caused him to make this decision, i'm gonna take his excuse and disappear. this is the last and the least thing i can do for him already. can't you see? i surrender my all to this man and in the last straw to pull away, i even put down my dignity for him. what more can he ask for?

i once asked him if one day his feelings for me were to fade, what will he do? he answered that he'll try to find it back. and when i posted the question to him ytd, his answer was almost immediate. he said he can't. hello! my question is about whether you're willing to, not whether you can or cant. it's obvious he doesn't even want to put in th effort to salvage this whole 3yrs old relationship. what can i say now? what can i do?

how can one take a turn for something so instantly?? or am i the one lagging behind the constant changes in this world?

no more dating games for me already. i'm scared. i'm frazzled.



my heart wrenches, yet again.

yesterday and today were utterly utterly tiring and strenuous on the mind. FYP's a bitch. agreed by all SAS students, i know for sure.

the test on transportation and packaging of the lobsters. like the most perplexing thing to do in my poly life, ever.


am at tenten's house tonight with jo and marilyn. seeing through the final phrase of the fyp. and right now, i crave for Boon Lay's nasi lemak and i wish someONE packets it down for me. the plan to meet up w Benjamin Ho and supp together almost work but none of my girls are keen to have their digestive system drilled at this moment, since all are soundly asleep and snoring away. i shall just tuck myself into bed too.


good night!

I LOVE DIVING!!!!
i wanna go diving again.
interested parties, call me. be my dive buddy. =)
better still, pay for my dive trip. haha.

i can be reached at 1900-DIVE-ADDICTION.





just got back from Dayang 3days ago. the luckiest day of my life was on the 28th Sept, Sunday, @ 9.30am. i witnessed a whale shark swimming by. speechless at first sight but uberly incredible.
photos of this dive trip is posted on facebook and friendster.

Diving @ Pulau Dayang from today till the 28th, Sunday.


will post an entry when i come back.

i will not be seeing him till 3rd Sept comes. and it's a hearsay.
currently, he's finding his own dough, i'm finding mine. I have my company, he has his. he's vanishing from my world, i reckon.


by not seeing him, my feeling is maniacal and apprehensive.
someone says it doesn't matter what he may be doing. it's about the joy you all shared when being together. 
well, i don't feel any joy. just  protem happiness. i am not like somebody else. i can't match up to that particular person you want me to be. take it as my incompetency. when i was going through rough patches, you're right beside me but your heart isnt. i detest the way your friends put in good words for you. that just isn't what i'm seeking or what i should be merited with. i need the attention i deserve, hon. 

All that is now, CONTRADICTORY SENTIMENT.





just last night, i dreamt of the other him. Dreamt of him, the rabbit, the facial expressions and the words he spoke then. it all felt like yesterday scene.

Alan bought a Honda Civic SIR for me.
tho not allowed to put my hands on wheel yet.
cant wait to get my license. but pressurised at the same time. what if i screw up? 

another show coming up. the 3rd of Aug. 
theme: Time Era (Futuristic)
drooling factor: I get to be Milla Jovovich in Fifth Element.


tapes tapes tapes all over. and i bet after the show, i have my free full body brazilian waxing when the tapes are being removed. no wait. if it's gonna be a full body waxing, then i would have to be mummified? hell no, dammit!

wayne, better come up with smarter ideas! and yup, warmer colours this time with my hair length retained. dun mess up my plans, ok?